3 Practices I Use With Clients, That Will Jump Start Your New Year
3 Simple Exercises That I Completely Guarantee Will Change You
Let go or be dragged. - Zen Proverb
It’s that New Year season and I think you’ll agree we’re going to see more chaos in the world in 2023. That’s no surprise to anyone. Humans love drama.
If you’re stuck in the cycle of chaos and drama, that’s okay too, it takes what it takes for that course of our lives to be burned out. But know there are steps you can take to help wind down that habit, come to Satsang would probably be the simplest step, but right now, read on and see what exercises I suggest.
If you feel you are well beyond the drama, the exercises I suggest below will surely deepen your work along the path. These will help anyone who has a willingness to be honest with themselves and see the truth.
The three exercises are in order of least intense, to the most intense. Depending how hungry you are, as is often the way in this work, the more committed we are the greater the results. You could probably do all three within one hour. But if you’re willing to give them more time, of course you’ll have more profound benefits.
Recognize The Signs
I prefer to practice inner work voluntarily.
What I mean is I don’t wait until I’m overwhelmed and suffering before I take action, although there was a time I lived like that.
These days I instinctively notice when I need to stop, take some time and write, feel, integrate, rather than finding myself stressed, emotional, mind racing. With practice you can have more of the former and less of the latter. It’s just a habit, it just takes practice. Part of my way of living is in maintaining my peace of mind and my inner work is part of my daily practice.
I tend to start my New Year practices in early December, so you may have read my newsletters from around October and November encouraging you to take action back then. I see the solstice of the 21st of December as the actual New Year, so by January 1st I’m well into my new routine. There’s no New Year shock or pressure, I’m already in the groove.
This year I was offered work with a coach in early November, and as is often the way with me these days, I knew I had no choice, I felt the pull, so I took the step, and the past two weeks especially I’m seeing the results.
Instinct already knows a yes or no, it’s only mind that gets in the way.
1. Jump Start
If you feel you’re sleeping and lack motivation to do anything, or don’t know what to do, this can only happen because you’re too much in your head. The inability to make a decision or commit to action is only because of overthinking.
For further motivation to take action read my recent post about the woman who took two years to take the step to work with me here.
Quick tips to provide some space would be, be creative:
Dance
Bake
Paint, sketch, knit, sew.
Wear some colour, for women dig out accessories and colour, those items you love but only wait for special occasions, express yourself. For men look for colour and style, a good shirt you have but rarely wear. Get out of the rigidity and safety.
I totally get that you may read these and they might seem lightweight, they are, they’re only an introduction. The movement of feminine energy lessens the drive of masculine energy in the mind, resulting in more clarity, insight, perspective. This is only a starting point.
Men often don’t even think of being creative, and women this work resonates with often struggle with their femininity.
Get creative = perspective
You want something more intense? The next exercise I guarantee will stir the pot!
2. Direct Action
Make a short list of the things you do to keep you distracted or busy. Might be television, social media, eating, working, cleaning, anything can become a distraction. Busy people can’t sit with themselves so they continually find excuses to be occupied, and they’ll often find reasons to justify their busyness.
Be honest with yourself, ask yourself if you really need to work all these hours, clean for hours, watch hours and hours of television, spend hours on social media, rush to the gym every day.
You can make an informed decision. You may see clearly “No, I don’t need to put so much time into X.” and you may even know clearly that doing X is a distraction from feeling what you need to feel. At least you see it, at least you’re being honest with yourself. But don’t bullshit yourself justifying activities that are just unnecessary.
Look at your lifestyle, look at what actually causes you more exhaustion, busyness, stress than is necessary and consider replacing some of these things with time to do little or nothing. The goal here is to allow space to feel what needs to be looked at, not replace that activity with another activity. I’m not the guy saying “Do more things you love”, I’m the guy saying “If you’re reading my newsletter and following my work then there is discomfort within you that you need to take a look at and face, rather than running from with yet more distractions.”
I often get clients who argue they are very busy, and some live very busy lifestyles with families and stressful jobs, but with a closer look yes there is important duties, but there is always unnecessary activities that are used to decompress, such as smoking grass or drinking wine in the evening watching television.
If you really want to move forward start to simply cut back and insert some time for meditation or inner work, even a few minutes a day, you' will see results quickly.
Keep this real simple, start small, minutes here and there that are for you, to allow You to feel. That’s it. We’re not climbing Mount Everest here, incremental baby steps. We want consistency.
You want to go further? The next exercise is the shit stirrer to challenge your ego!
3. Mirror Work
Make a list of five to ten close people in your life.
List the things about each one of them that you dislike. Even your best friend or partner. Admit it, put it down on paper. Maybe they’re always late, or don’t listen to you, whatever it is put down a few words. Not long stories or complaints, just the things they do that annoy you.
As you work through your list of people you’ll begin to see a pattern. The same issues will show up repeatedly with different people. Maybe you see six or seven people actually don’t listen to you. This is great to see, so if we can solve that one listening issue for example, it will improve our relationships with multiple people!
So don’t look at circumstances or stories. Keep it simple such as “He’s always late” or “She doesn’t listen to me” rather than “When we were on holidays five years ago and he said that he doesn’t like how I drive.” That’s a story that won’t help you learn anything.
So you have your list of people and you have your list of what they do that bothers you. And you’re likely seeing patterns among some or all of the behaviors.
Now, this is what changes us, start to look at the these things others do that bother you, and in stillness, begin to truly and honestly look to see do you do these exact things too. This is where the ego will be challenged and defensive. This is where real change is possible, or you can choose to remain in your defensive bubble.
Here’s an example : I’m with a friend having lunch, the friend is rude to the waiter, I feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, but I think “Well I don’t do that, I’m never rude with waiters”. This may be true, but, perhaps I do express that anger or arrogance in other areas, to other people, perhaps in traffic, or with friends, or in different circumstances. So I do hold that same energy, and I do express it also. Which means, what I’m irritated by with my friend is the recognition of what already lies within myself.
If you spot the frequency, you’ve got it, you just might express it in a different way. So maybe you’re frustrated your partner doesn’t listen to you, but with honest contemplation you may notice at times you don’t pay attention to your partner, or your kids, or one or two friends. Perhaps you are a great listener to your partner, but you do have that exact same energy, exact same behavior, you just express it in other ways with other people.
Aha!
So we begin to see the purpose of our reflection in the world. Others are showing us who we are. They are not separate from us, they are us.
So until you love and integrate this energy within yourself, you will continue to be irritated by recognising it in others. When you integrate it within you, then other people won’t bother you doing this anymore. After all there is nothing wrong with them, it’s your reaction to them that is the issue.
Mirror facing mirror, nowhere else. - Ikkyu
As you work through these lists give yourself time. Don’t expect to identify all the behaviors as your own within a few minutes. Keep your list, revisit it over the coming days and allow what you’ve written to settle. There may be one person who you just think is crazy “Ohh I don’t behave like that, no way!” But perhaps with the willingness to see, little by little you may begin to recognise you’re not that different from the people and behaviors you really dislike.
There’s a lot of work in this, believe me when I first did this exercise it shook me for a few weeks to realise “I’m the problem”, not everyone else I was continually complaining about.
Results
I would love to hear your results with these exercises. They work. I’ve proven it countless times with clients. There is no such thing as toxic people, you’re simply encountering your own reflection with an opportunity to integrate more of You.
Practice these exercises and if you feel moved to go further to learn to integrate this energy of course you can book a 1:1 session or come to Satsang, and I also coach people 1:1 over six weeks in my Shadow Integration Course, this is where the greatest change occurs!
There is plenty of work here to get you started.
Anyway, I wish you all a peaceful New Year. There is nothing wrong “out there”, it’s only perception.